Copyright held by the Manhattan Experimental Theater Workshop
View Permission for Production Policy
Written by the Company
Directed by the Directing Team
Under the influence of Jean Cocteau
You are on Mount Olympus. Welcome to the playpen of the gods. Let's stir the either a bit and take a look down on those mortal pawns below.
Daedalus enters and says, "Behold, Icarus, I have found this sack of feathers varying in size, and all of the beeswax." He holds out a sack of feathers, and lots of beeswax. A cinderblock hits Icarus in the head. Daedalus says to the audience, "That certainly saves me a lot of time!" Daedelus exits.
Enter King Minos. He sits down at a Starbucks, Ancient Greek Starbucks and drinks his Mocha Cappuccino. Enter Daedalus. He pays for the coffee. "Iapyx, Iapyx, where are you?" They exit.
The crowd is confused. They shout, "Who the hell is Iapyx?" Enter Iapyx. He speaks elequently, offering a solution to world hunger, but it is losts in the mysts of time. No one will ever remember him. Ever. They are too busy watching the Minotaur eating all the dead virgins, and pondering the possibilities of birth via wooden cow. Iapyx retreats deep in to the fog of time.
Pasiphae enters and declares, "Oh, Reginald Deadalus, build me a cow of wood!" He had some wood for her, but it wasn't cow-shaped.
Pasiphae calls the Bull. The Bull finally replies to her incessant nagging, "I don't know. . .I was wanting to kind of. . .you know. . .save myself for 'the one'." Pasiphae gets T.O.ed. and storms off.
Look, here is Scylla, Nisus's daughter. Scylla's such a cute little teen girl. What a cutie. Look, she is purchasing adult entertainment products. Three explicit XXX billboards enter and rapidly exit.
Enter Ariadne, Minos' daughter, who has just written Theseus' name in her diary 58 times, with 539 little hearts and 12 butterflies.
Scylla loses her religion. There it goes. Scylla begins to practice making out with her arm.
Enter the Dept. of Homeland Security, the CIA, and the FBI. They are wearing only cowboy boots.
A cow appears on the scene. Everyone drops what they're doing to hit on it.
Pasiphae enters, riding her inner tiger. "Hey, there, Cowboy. That was some bullride last night. Pass the dijon mustard!" she commands.
Enter talking refrigerator. "I'm empty. . ." the refrigerator exclaims morosely and disappears.
Exit Scylla and Ariadne along with the Dept. of Homeland Security, the CIA, and the FBI. Pasiphae's inner tiger runs off with her on top.
POOF. The minotaur and ariadne enter simultaneously in a whirlwind of dance fever.
Enter Minotaur in Christmas gown. The religious whipping ceremony begins with a parade of lusty partridges and fresh tea.
Enter Minotaur in a maroon velvet robe, smoking a cigar. Suddenly, seven young girls and boys enter the room. The girls are: Little Red Riding Hood, Ursula, Raggedy-Anne, Dora the Explorer, Catherine the Great, Queen Elizabeth, and Martha Stewart. Needless to say, they are all virgins.
The Food Network's own Emeril! and Ronco Ron Popille appear and declare: Virgins! Now with more fiber. Virgins come in all varieties of flavor: Teryaki, BBQ, cajun style, honey mesquite and original. So if you own a minotaur or you just like being villainous order your virgins today! Virgins come with a 30 day warranty we accept visa and mastercard only.
The king says "Thank you. That was very professional." Emeril! and Ronco Ron Popille bow and exit doing the macarana. The macarana, though, is a forbidden dance in the kingdom! Enter sadly all the rest of the forbidden dances, the can-can, the Charleston, and the infamous Electric slide. Exit the forbidden dances.
Enter Minotaur with a pie.
Enter antacid. "I am important." Enter old food pyramid. "I'm not important." Enter new food pyramid. "I'm a tomato." They sink back into the either.
Enter Minotaur. He turns around three times and begins preparing traditional English tea.
Enter a loud virgin who sits down and won't stop talking about her old boyfriend back in Athens. The mintoaur hands her a crumpet. The virgin leaves. The minotaur is left alone. A single tear rolls down his cheek.
It's a home run. THE CROWD GOES WILD!
The anti-flamethrower disturbs the earth's gravity, and the gods are pissed.
The boys all contract typhoid and die.
The minotaur plays "Piano Man" to soothe the pain.
