Copyright held by the Manhattan Experimental Theater Workshop
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Written and Performed by Mindi, Paul, and Rebecca
Under the influence of María Irene Fornés
Directed by Jim
The performer portraying the Seer also announces the scene titles. The Seer should be a circus ringmaster or stand-up comedian. The performers playing Oeddy and Jo should think about what is happening in each scene and adjust their voices and behavior accordingly. For example, in Scene 1, Oeddy is trying pick-up lines on Jo and, perhaps to his astonishment, they work. These two actors are often playing against the language that is scripted for them. Later in the play, the performers must decide how to portray the gradual blindness of all the characters. The Seer, according to tradition, is always blind.
SCENE ONE- Boy Meets Girl
Seer: Oeddy and Jo meet in a bar. They exchange greetings, and then discuss Norway. After that, Jo tells Oeddy all about Los Angeles. They agree to go shopping together and make plans for the evening.
Oeddy: Hello. I am Oeddy. I am new to this town. I would like to make new friends. What is your name?
Jo: Um, I’m like, the queen bee here, dude. Uch. Whatever. I’m Jo. And you are?
Oeddy: Norwegian.
Jo: Is it like, nice in Norwegia or whatever?
Oeddy: Yes, it is very nice. Sometimes it snows. Sometimes it doesn’t snow. Snow is fun. Do you like snow?
Jo: You look, like, way familiar. You been in L.A., like, long?
Oeddy: I have been here a week. I like solving riddles.
Jo: That’s tight. What are you, like a major genius or something?
Oeddy: I try my best. Is there a lot to do in L.A?
Jo: Ohmigod, duh! There is totally like so much to do! You can shop or stalk movie stars, even though there’s like a major babe drought right now, or get laced at parties or cruise in superexpensive cars, you dig?
Oeddy: Do the nice people here usually shop on Thursdays?
Jo: Uh, I like totally shop every single day.
Oeddy: Would you like to go shopping with me and be my friend?
Jo: Ohmigod, like totally yes! Like I would say no to shopping. As if! And you totally need it. You’re a… do you prefer "fashion victim" or "ensembly challenged"?
Oeddy: At what time would you like to go shopping? One o’clock, two o’clock, or four o’clock?
Jo: Well, I’m gonna hang with my peepz, then I’m having a mani-pedi at this totally chic new place next to this totally adorable little boutique. Then Larry and I are gonna catch a flick. Six good?
Oeddy: I will come to your house at 5:54. That is when the little hand is on the five and the big hand is almost on the eleven.
Jo: Sweet.
SCENE TWO- Boy Meets Girl
Seer: Jo gives birth to Oeddy.
Oeddy: Hello. I am Oeddy. I am new to this town. I would like to make new friends. What is your name?
Jo: Um, I’m like, the queen bee here, dude. Uch. Whatever. I’m Jo. And you are?
Oeddy: Norwegian.
Jo: Is it like, nice in Norwegia or whatever?
(Jo gives birth to Oeddy.)
Oeddy: Yes, it is very nice. Sometimes it snows. Sometimes it doesn’t snow.
(Seer puts eyedrops into Oeddy's eyes.)
Jo: You look, like, way familiar.
(Seer cuts Oeddy's umbilical cord.)
Oeddy: Ouch! ... I like solving riddles.
Jo: What are you, like a major genius or something?
Oeddy: I try my best.
Jo: Uh, I like totally shop every single day. And you need it. You’re a… do you prefer "fashion victim" or "ensembly challenged"?
Oeddy: At what time would you like to go shopping? One o’clock, two o’clock, or four o’clock?
Jo: Well, I’m gonna hang with my peepz, then I’m having a mani-pedi at this totally chic new place next to this totally adorable little boutique. Then Larry and I are gonna catch a flick. 5:54 good?
Oeddy: Is that when the little hand is on the five and the big hand is almost on the eleven?
Jo: Sweet.
SCENE THREE- Oeddy and Jo discuss the weather
Seer: Oeddy asks Jo about the weather. She tells him to consult the county extension agent. Then they discuss local crops. The agent makes another appointment to talk to them.
Oeddy: Is the weather nice here?
Jo: Um, like I don’t really dig that stuff, but this farmer chick, she totally knows all about that.
Oeddy: (to Farmer) Is the weather nice here?
Farmer: Well, it depends on the time of year, son. And also on your definition of nice. There’s crops such as (the rest of the scene overlaps this) pumpkins, snow peas, cauliflower, broccoli, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, corn, peppers, garlic, artichokes, rutabaga, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, boysenberries, raspberries, elderberries, gooseberries, wheat, sorghum, soybeans, soymilk, soy meal, soy butter, soy burgers, soy sauce, tofu, and bananas.
Oeddy: Thanks, mister.
Jo: So, do you like know anything, like, about, like crops and stuff here in SoCal?
Oeddy: I don’t really know. I don’t think we grow crops in Norway. But you should ask this lady. She’s real smart.
Jo: So, do you like know anything, like, about, like crops and stuff here in SoCal?
Farmer: (keeps listing crops)
Jo: Thanks, dude.
Farmer: (finishes speech) Now go off and play.
SCENE FOUR- Oeddy and Jo eat dinner
Seer: The kitchen table is set for two. Oeddy reads NickJr and Jo reads Cosmo Girl. They discuss the food they are eating. They read their magazines. They do not look at their food. Then they finish eating.
Oeddy: Yellow corn.
Jo: Like 5,000 calorie steaks. Like ewww.
Oeddy: Yucky green broccoli tree.
Jo: 50 carb slices of bread. Ohmigod.
Oeddy: Red spaghetti sauce.
Jo: 1,000 calorie roast pig. Are you, like, kidding me?
Oeddy: Orange pureed carrots.
Jo: 25 calorie salad greens, like…
Oeddy:Blue cheese dressing.
Jo: 28 carb pasta. As if!
Oeddy: Purple grapes.
Jo: 5 calorie watermelon balls. Please!
Oeddy: Dark brown chocolate cake.
Jo: I like totally have my calories for the day.
Oeddy: See ya later, alligator.
SCENE FIVE- Oeddy riddles the Sphinx
Note: It should be clear that Oeddy is willing to kill the sphinx and does not take this game seriously.
Seer: Oeddy meets the Sphinx on his way to Jo’s house. They riddle each other three times. Oeddy wins and the Sphinx kills herself. Jo asks Oeddy if he wants to hang out.
Oeddy: Hey mister, you wanna let me through?
Sphinx: That is the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard of! First you must best me in a Battle of Wits.
Oeddy: You’re dumb. I’m smart, so I’ll win.
Sphinx: Pick a number between 1 and 100.
Oeddy: 23
Sphinx: 23? 23 is 11, 11 is 6, 6 is 3, 3 is 5, 5 is 4, 4 is cosmic. What is the pattern?
Oeddy: That’s easy. All you’re doing in counting, silly. Here’s one. Knock-knock
Sphinx: Who’s there?
Oeddy: Dang it.
Sphinx: You have two coins. They equal 30 cents. One is not a quarter. What are they?
Oeddy: (pulls coins out) Well, one of mine’s a nickel, but the other one’s a quarter.
Sphinx: That is… correct?!
Oeddy: Oh, wait! Listen to this! Why did the gum cross the road?
Sphinx: To get to the other side?
Oeddy: No! It was stuck to the chicken’s foot! Ha!
Sphinx: Oh my. (rubbing temples) Okay, my final question. You will never solve this. No one ever has. What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three in the evening?
Oeddy: Oh… Man. (Sphinx is frustrated and indicates he was correct. To himself) Oh wait. That was a tree… I got one! Say knock-knock.
Sphinx: Knock-knock.
Oeddy: Who’s there?
Sphinx: Umm…
Oeddy: Oh, I say knock-knock.
Sphinx: Yes!
Oeddy: No, you say knock-knock.
Sphinx: No!
Oeddy: I say knock-knock?
Sphinx: (chokes self to death and collapses)
Oeddy: Bye bye.
Jo: I never knew you had such a way with, like, words. Wanna, like, hang out?
SCENE SIX- Jo and Oeddy visit the Child Psychologist
From this point on, Oeddy is growing blind.
Seer: Jo and Oeddy visit the Child Psychologist to discuss their daughter, Annie. They discover that the problem is more serious than they thought. They decide to call a specialist.
Child Psychologist: Does she exhibit any signs of paranoia, delusions, shyness, friendliness, schizophrenia, genius, weakness, slowness, strength, ADD, ADHD, hemophilia, color blindness, or Parkinsons?
Jo: Uh uh, no way, not even. But she is like totally antagonistic to me. Not to her father though. She’s like, actually is cool with him.
Oeddy: I like everybody. People are nice.
Jo: Whatever. Just, like, tell my husband and me what’s up with Annie, right? ‘Cause we’re totally buggin’.
CP: Does she exhibit anti-social, anti-capitalist, anti-nuclear, anti-Zionist, anti-globalist, anti-tobacco, anti-Federalist, or anti-Semitic tendencies? Does she like potatoes, fish, or rutabaga? Does she sometimes talk about things she shouldn’t?
Jo: Whoa, man. You’re like so totally trippin’.
Oeddy: Annie is a good girl. She likes reading and cookies and counting and going to the library. She looks just like her mother. She looks just like her brothers and sisters. She hates rutabaga.
CP: This is more serious than I thought. You should call a specialist.
SCENE SEVEN- Jo and Oeddy eat out
Seer: Oeddy and Jo are eating out with another diner. They discuss the food they are eating. Then they leave.
Oeddy: Grey corn.
Jo: Like 5,000 calorie steaks. Like ewww.
Oeddy: Grey broccoli trees.
Fellow Diner: Headache.
Jo: O calorie water. Ohmigod.
Oeddy: Grey spaghetti sauce.
Fellow Diner: Stomachache.
Jo: O calorie water. Are you, like, kidding me?
Oeddy: Grey pureed carrots.
Fellow Diner: Toothache.
Jo: O calorie water, like…
Oeddy: Grey salad dressing.
Fellow Diner: Sores.
Jo: O calorie water. Please!
Oeddy: Grey grapes.
Fellow Diner: Smallpox.
Jo: I’m full.
Oeddy: Are you okay?
Fellow Diner: Are you okay?
Jo: I’m full.
Oeddy: After a while...
SCENE EIGHT- Jo and Oeddy go shopping
Both Oeddy and Jo are blind from this point on. It is up to the cast to decide if the shopgirl is also blind and whether she is more than a machine...
Seer: Jo takes Oeddy to a very stylish boutique. She can’t decide if a dress is cute. Oeddy can’t help her because he doesn’t know anything about fashion. Then Jo gets a manicure and can’t decide if she likes the color. The salesperson tells her she looks beautiful and she agrees.
Jo: (as she hold up a dress to herself) Is this dress, like, cute? I totally can’t make up my mind.
Oeddy: You know I don’t have a good eye for things like that. I can count by twos and tie my shoes, but I cannot tell you anything about fashion.
Salesperson: That dress is very voguish. All of our dresses are. This is a very stylish boutique.
Jo: But does it, like, go with these shoes?
Salesperson: I can’t quite tell. Maybe if you came closer…
Jo: Whatever. I’ll, like, get it. I can totally trust my instincts.
Oeddy: I can’t seem to find the door...
Jo: (as the Salesperson attempts to paint her nails) Is this color, like, good on me, baby? I can’t, like, decide.
Oeddy: (as he stumbles around, still trying to find the door) All colors are good. On you or on anyone. Colors are pretty. Red, blue, green, yellow, orange, and puce.
Salesperson: You look beautiful.
Jo: I know. Right?
SCENE NINE- Oeddy makes some decisions
Seer: Oeddy asks Jo to help him with a problem he’s been having. She can’t. Then he asks Jo to help him solve a riddle. Neither of them can find the answer.
(Jo is brushing her hair.)
Oeddy: Hey Jo, could you help me with this really big problem I’ve been having?
Jo: Yeah, like, whatever.
Oeddy: I need to know what will make the city happy.
Jo: The city or, like, the people, dude?
Oeddy: They’re the same thing, silly. When one of them is sad, they both are.
Jo: Like more malls. That’s, like, totally what it needs.
Oeddy: I’m not sure…
Jo: Well, I can’t see, like, anything else that like, needs improving. Like, as if.
Oeddy: Yeah, I can’t see either
(Lights change.)
Oeddy: It’s strange being here. L.A. is always so hot. I prefer Norway to L.A. Norway doesn’t grow crops. People in Norway don’t say “Norwegia”. People here are weird. They act like I’m a child. Norwegians don’t do that. We’re sane people. Quite sane-in my behalf. I miss Norway. Let me slip from the world of men, vanish without a trace. Los Angeles is not the place for me.
(Lights change back. Oeddy starts reading a coloring book and Jo starts painting her nails.)
Oeddy: Hey Jo, can you help me, pretty please?
Jo: Totally, like, what’s the problem?
Oeddy: I’m really, really confused by this riddle. It says that one of these things is not the same. A mom, a wife, and a woman.
Jo: Whoa. That is trippin’.
Oeddy: I told you it was super duper hard. Well do you have answer?
Jo: I can’t see a difference, dude.
Oeddy: I can’t see either.
SCENE TEN- Oeddy makes some more decisions
The Seer delivers all the lines in this scene while actors portraying Jo and Oeddy move as marionettes. From this point onwards, Jo has a noose around her neck.
Seer: Oeddy asks Jo to help him with a problem he’s been having. She can’t. Then he asks Jo to help him solve a riddle. Neither of them can find the answer.
Oeddy: Hey Jo, could you help me with this really big problem I’ve been having?
Jo: Yeah, like, whatever.
Oeddy: I need to know what will make the city happy.
Jo: The city or, like, the people, dude?
Oeddy: They’re the same thing, silly. When one of them is sad, they both are.
Jo: Like more malls. That’s, like, totally what it needs.
Oeddy: I’m not sure…
Jo: Well, I can’t see, like, anything else that like, needs improving. Like, as if.
Oeddy: Yeah, I can’t see either
(Jo starts to paint her fingernails)
Oeddy: (reading a coloring book) Hey Jo, can you help me, pretty please?
Jo: Totally, like, what’s the problem?
Oeddy: I’m really, really confused by this riddle. It says that one of these things is not the same. A mom, a wife, and a woman.
Jo: Whoa. That is trippin’.
Oeddy: I told you it was super duper hard. Well do you have answer?
Jo: I can’t see a difference, dude.
Oeddy: I can’t see either.
SCENE ELEVEN- Jo goes shopping
Jo: Clever. That is how you describe him. Clever. He used his cleverness to save the city once but can he do it again? That’s what you whisper in the streets when they think no one can hear. He can, but not because he is clever. He is more than that. He is mine. And my love will give him strength, like mother’s milk for a child. He will triumph over this latest evil because I love him. I will take care of him, just as I always have. He seems to be a proud man to all of you, but he will always be my little boy to love and protect. Sweet. Tender. He cares for you, his children, as I care for him. He cares for his children, as I care for him and as I care for them. That is his strength. I am his strength.
SCENE TWELVE- Jo and Oeddy have a talk
We found this to be a difficult scene; we ended up having both Jo and Oeddy deliver their lines like old-fashioned telephone answering machines. And, accordingly, we had them begin to struggle with becoming machines in Scene 9. Of course, neither Oeddy's soliloquy in Scene 9 nor Jo's in Scene 11 are machine-like: these are the only two moments when the ability to express oneself is in evidence and, in accordance with the Fornés thematic, no one else is listening (or can listen) when they are actually able to express themselves.
Seer: Oeddy complains to Jo about her brother. Christina enters and she and Oeddy argue. Oeddy leaves.
Oeddy: (tries to hug Jo and misses) Hey there! Can you talk with me for a little bit?
Jo: Uh, yeah. What’s up?
Oeddy: It’s your brother. He’s not being very nice.
Jo: Uh, that’s totally not true. He’s always been really tight.
Oeddy: Well, this morning we were eating pizza and he said he was fine with 1/3 of the pizza, but then he tried to steal the whole thing. Not fair!
Christina: Hey, have you seen my pizza?
Oeddy: Get your own pizza!
Jo: Hey, dudes, chillax.
Christina: What is he talking about? This is getting out of hand. First I can’t find my pizza, then this twerp…
Oeddy: Fine. If you’re not going to be nice, I’m leaving.
Jo: Christina, Oeddy, just, like, be cool. There’s no reason to fight, man. It’s just pizza.
SCENE THIRTEEN- Oeddy makes travel plans
Oeddy become mechanical in the line "Let's go...to...Sala Saloo." He is mechanical then, until the second "let's go" in the last line of the piece. We staged this with Jo lying in full view, with the noose around her neck.
Seer: Oeddy and the Travel Agent discuss travelling to Norway. The Travel Agent explains that there’s no way to get to Norway, but offers him alternatives. They decide where to go.
Oeddy: The weather here isn’t so nice anymore. I want to go to Norway.
Travel Agent: All flights to Norway are overbooked. Have you considered travelling to the town of the Once-Ler? I hear it’s very nice this time of year. The truffala trees are in full bloom.
Oeddy: Are there trains to Norway?
Travel Agent: Not from L.A. How about taking the train to Whoville?
Oeddy: Any boats to Norway?
Travel Agent: If you can find an adventurous captain.
Oeddy: Let’s go...to...Sala Saloo.
Travel Agent: What's in Sala Saloo?
Oeddy: It's perfect.
Travel Agent: There's no place perfect.
Oeddy: It's what we dream of.
Travel Agent: Oh the places we’ll go.
Oeddy: Let’s go...let’s go.
(They do not move.)
