Copyright held by the Manhattan Experimental Theater Workshop
View Permission for Production Policy
Written and performaned by Jordan, Havana and Justin
Under the influence of Harold Pinter
Directed by Amanda and Charlie
Scene One: You Can’t Do Both
All: You can’t do both.
OEDIPUS: Ah, Creon I'm glad you could make it.
CREON: Yea, sure, what is this all about?
OEDIPUS: I'm glad you're here
CREON: Oh
OEDIPUS: I'm just glad that I can condemn you now.
CREON: What for?
(pause)
OEDIPUS: Well, you know.
CREON: No
OEDIPUS: That whole thing.
CREON: What?
OEDIPUS: What you were doing.
CREON: At night?
OEDIPUS: No, maybe…
CREON: With that girl?
OEDIPUS: What?
CREON: What?
(Pause)
OEDIPUS: This is about me and you.
CREON: Oh.
OEDIPUS: Well, mainly you by yourself.
CREON: Where?
OEDIPUS: Behind my back.
CREON: You're right in front of me.
OEDIPUS: Well, now I am.
CREON: Yes.
OEDIPUS: What about before?
CREON: I don't recall.
OEDIPUS: No?
CREON: No.
(pause)
OEDIPUS: Well, the point is you are going to be punished for it!
CREON: Oh?
OEDIPUS: Yes ( pause) I am going to kill and banish you.
CREON: Which is it?
(Pause)
OEDIPUS: What?
CREON: Are you going to kill or banish me?
OEDIPUS: Both.
CREON: You can't do both.
(pause)
OEDIPUS: why not?
CREON: Cause if you killed me, the banishing me would just be tossing a corpse in the sand.
OEDIPUS: Yeah?
CREON: How can you tell a guy not to come back, if he isn't even capable of doing so?
(pause)
OEDIPUS: Well then I'll banish then kill you.
CREON: No
OEDIPUS: No?
CREON: If you banished me you would not be able to find me in all that sand to kill me.
OEDIPUS: Yeah…
CREON: And you couldn't bring me back into the city to execute me, because I wouldn't be allowed in.
OEDIPUS: Well then I'll pick one.
CREON: Okay, which one?
OEDIPUS: What?
CREON: Which punishment?
OEDIPUS: Oh.
CREON: Are you going to kill me or banish me?
OEDIPUS: Well…..
(pause)
CREON: You could kill me.
OEDIPUS: Kill you?
CREON: Hang me, burn me, drown me, stab me.
OEDIPUS: Shoot you?
CREON: Shoot me.
CREON: You could.
OEDIPUS: But?
CREON: What?
(pause)
OEDIPUS: Yes.
CREON: You could banish me to the desert, the alps, the ocean, the jungle.
OEDIPUS: Anywhere but Thebes.
CREON: Yes
( pause)
So what it’s going to be death or banishment?
OEDIPUS: well…
(Pause)
(enthusiastically) Both!
CREON: Wait, what?
Scene Two: One Right After the Other
Jordan: One right after the other
OEDIPUS: We must have the most beautiful family in all of Thebes.
JOCASTA: Oh, you are most certainly correct.
OEDIPUS: And one of the largest as well.
JOCASTA: I would say so.
OEDIPUS: A bountiful amount of children to spread our love upon.
JOCASTA: yes.
(pause)
Where did they all come from?
OEDIPUS: (suggestively) Well, you know...
(pause)
JOCASTA: No…
OEDIPUS: You don't remember that burning passion we first felt when we locked eyes? Or that subtle advance that led to our undeniable union? Or the feverish consummation of our vows? Or wedding night on which we conceived our first. That awkward bliss that produced such a seed in our image?
(Pause)
JOCASTA: Oh, yes.
OEDIPUS: Oh good.
(Pause)
JOCASTA: But that first one, he sees the world crossed without his trifocals.
OEDIPUS: hmmmm….That is correct.
JOCASTA: Is he still like that?
OEDIPUS: I believe so.
(Pause)
And the second time we joined, do you recall?
JOCASTA: Oh quite vividly.
OEDIPUS: And from that another!
JOCASTA: One right after the other.
OEDIPUS: We counted ourselves lucky.
JOCASTA: As soon as the last one pops out, it's right back in.
(Pause)
OEDIPUS: But she can't wear sandals to the beach,
JOCASTA: but she does swim quite well.
OEDIPUS: Yes (Pause)
JOCASTA: And then again we came together.
OEDIPUS: It was like never before.
JOCASTA: It was sweet and gentle.
OEDIPUS: It soothed me to sleep
JOCASTA: And out came another precious gift.
OEDIPUS: proof of our undying love.
(Pause)
JOCASTA: He does seem to be quite stubby though
OEDIPUS: OH, your right.
JOCASTA: Did they ever grow in?
OEDIPUS: I don't believe so.
(Pause)
OEDIPUS: (Passionately) But we never stopped!
JOCASTA: You couldn't get enough.
OEDIPUS: One right after the other.
JOCASTA: Push it in, then pop them out
OEDIPUS: And this time the gods blessed us greater than ever before!
JOCASTA: A pair.
OEDIPUS: A set of twins!
(Pause)
JOCASTA: They were quite inseparable. (gesture)
OEDIPUS: Yes
(Pause)
JOCASTA: I wonder why?
Scene Three: Wednesday
Justin and Havana: Wednesday
OEDIPUS: Why, hello my children. I see you are all playing nicely.
Child One: Why yes father we always play nicely on Wednesday.
Child Two: Yes, and it is Wednesday.
OEDIPUS: That it is.
(Pause)
What kind of games do you play?
Child One: We dance and we sing.
Child Two: We sing and we dance.
Child One: we sing like canaries trapped between a giants fingers.
Child Two: And we dance like there is steaming dog feces between our toes.
OEDIPUS: Oh?
(Pause)
Child One and Child Two: Yes.
OEDIPUS: Well, I have something important to tell you.
(Pause)
Steaming dog feces, eh?
Child One: Well, yes.
Child Two: What else? (Pause)
OEDIPUS: Well. . . I am your
(Pause)
your
(pause)
father.
Child One: Oh, good.
Child Two: I knew all along.
OEDIPUS: Well now that that is settled.
(Pause)
But I'm also… its complicated.
(Pause)
How do you know what giant squashed canaries sound like?
Child One: School.
Child Two: Experience.
(Pause)
Would you like to hear?
OEDIPUS: It's just that it was an accident.
(Pause)
How could I have known?
Child One: The canary?
Child Two: He means the giant.
OEDIPUS: No, I mean, your mother.
Child One: She's nice.
(Pause)
Child Two: She's okay.
OEDIPUS: Yes, she is.
(Pause)
Listen!
(Pause)
OEDIPUS: Listen, you children, are the light of my life, and-
Child Two: How do you think you're going to die? Maybe ants will crawl into your mouth when you're sleeping, and eat you from the inside out. Wouldn't that hurt!?
Child One: Maybe you'll start to starve, and then try and eat your own hand, then choke on your own hand.
Child Two: Nice. (Oedipus stares at them) What if a giant ox severed you in half with it’s horns but your upper half was still alive and you could see your bottom half wriggling around with it’s intestines hanging out.
Child One: What if you exploded.
Child two: Or spontaneous combustion.
(Pause)
Child one: What if you found out you had done something so horrible you had to stab your own eyes out and then wander the desert until you fade away to dust.
Oedipus: Kids! Stop that. Listen to me, I am your father.
Child two: You know if you weren’t our father we wouldn’t have to listen to anything you say.
Child one: Yeah, like if you were our brother or something.
Child One: So, father.
OEDIPUS: Yes.
Child Two: You're not my father.
OEDIPUS: No.
Child One: No you are or aren't?
OEDIPUS: Neither.
Child Two: Yes?
Child One: No.
OEDIPUS: What?
(Pause)
Oedipus: Brother you say?
Child Two: Yes.
Child One: No.
(Pause)
OEDIPUS: Yes
(Pause)
Child Two: So yes brother.
Child One: Father.
OEDIPUS: Both?
Children: brotherfather fatherbrother
(pause)
Child One: Yes.
Child Two: Yes.
OEDIPUS: No.
(Pause)
Children: What if Brotherfather dies from steaming dog feces.
OEDIPUS: Bed.
Scene Four: A Mothers Intuition
Jordan: A mother’s intuition
OEDIPUS: So, wife.
JOCASTA: Hm.
OEDIPUS: So, what was it like?
JOCASTA: What?
OEDIPUS: Oh, no. I mean…
(Pause)
Why did you try to kill me?
JOCASTA: I did nothing of the sort.
OEDIPUS: Don't you remember?
JOCASTA: No.
(Pause)
OEDIPUS: Do you remember that time the bee stung me, on the leg? I cried for hours. You held me.
JOCASTA: You were scared.
OEDIPUS: I was scared.
(Pause)
I've never been stung since.
JOCASTA: You have. You just don't remember.
OEDIPUS: Well, I remember that time. You must love me a lot.
JOCASTA: I love you a lot.
OEDIPUS: I love you a lot.
(Pause)
Do you remember that time I was woken by that nightmare you held me of hours. I was sure of your love that night.
JOCASTA: How could I forget that night? It was our wedding night.
OEDIPUS: How long have we been married?
JOCASTA: Since you were younger.
(Pause)
OEDIPUS: When I was younger, we made love more often. You always protected me. I’ve always felt safe.
JOCASTA: All the girls liked you.
OEDIPUS: You liked me.
JOCASTA: Yes, I did. You were a good boy.
OEDIPUS: You were a good woman.
(Pause)
How old are you?
JOCASTA: Almost fifty.
(Pause)
OEDIPUS: I still love you.
JOCASTA: You were such a blessing.
OEDIPUS: Why not the first time.
(Pause)
What attracted you to me?
JOCASTA: Your stature. Tall. Firm face. Like his.
(Pause)
OEDIPUS: I'm sorry.
JOCASTA: Well, it's not like you killed him.
(long pause)
OEDIPUS: Yeah.
JOCASTA: Yeah, what?
OEDIPUS: Yeah, you're right.
JOCASTA: oh.
OEDIPUS: Maybe (pause)
JOCASTA: Did you pursue me?
OEDIPUS: I believe I did.
JOCASTA: Why?
OEDIPUS: You were beautiful.
JOCASTA: Yes.
OEDIPUS: I could see the strength in your eyes.
JOCASTA: Yes.
OEDIPUS: I felt (pause) connected to you.
JOCASTA: Yes?
OEDIPUS: Yes
(pause)
in a very familiar way.
JOCASTA: Like you knew me in a past life?
(pause)
OEDIPUS: Something like that.
JOCASTA: How romantic.
OEDIPUS: yes, it is, isn't it?
JOCASTA: Perhaps we were more than acquaintances.
OEDIPUS: I am sure that we were
(pause)
Do you love me know?
JOCASTA: Yes
OEDIPUS: Why?
(pause)
JOCASTA: Because.
(pause)
OEDIPUS: A mother's intuition.
JOCASTA: What was that?
OEDIPUS: Do you remember the day you conceived a child and went to the fates? You asked what its life had in store, and they only told you tragedies. You had such great love for your King. Your husband. That you would sacrifice your child to save him.
There was no way to compare the value of the these two loves, because one would always have more experience. (pause) How could you deny that child love then but not now? (pause)
JOCASTA: What?
OEDIPUS: A second chance of sorts
JOCASTA: I think you are tired.
OEDIPUS: A mother's intuition.
JOCASTA: You really ought to get some sleep
OEDIPUS: The instincts to know when to protect your child
JOCASTA: You have been very busy lately.
OEDIPUS: To protect the child even from itself.
(pause)
Even from its inescapable fate.
JOCASTA: You mean.
OEDIPUS: Yes.
(pause)
JOCASTA: I don't recall a child.
OEDIPUS: Yes.
(pause)
JOCASTA: Death?
OEDIPUS: No.
JOCASTA: yes.
OEDIPUS: No, please. It won't help
(pause)
I tried to prevent this.
JOCASTA: So did I
(pause)
OEDIPUS: So what was it like…
Scene Five: Educated Guessing
Justin: Educated Guessing
SHEPARD: So how have you been?
MESSENGER: Good, good. I've been promoted
SHEPARD: Yes?
MESSENGER: Yes
(Pause)
From messenger to secretary.
SHEPARD: Oh.
MESSENGER: Now instead of delivering the messages. I write them.
SHEPARD: Ah.
MESSENGER: It is quite prestigious.
(Pause)
And yourself?
SHEPARD: Oh, fine.
MESSENGER: Good.
SHEPARD: I have been promoted from sheep chaser to sheep follower.
(Pause)
MESSENGER: Ha! You must be getting old.
SHEPARD: Yes.
MESSENGER: Me too I suppose.
SHEPARD: Probably.
(Pause)
I still remember though.
MESSENGER: Remember what?
SHEPARD: Oh, you know.
MESSENGER: No.
(Pause)
SHEPARD: The youth.
MESSENGER: Oh, yes, of course.
SHEPARD: To be so young and spry.
MESSENGER: All those misfortunes take you down
SHEPARD: Yes.
(Pause)
How do you think he's doing?
MESSENGER: Who?
SHEPARD: The cook.
MESSENGER: He's fine. Why worry about the cook?
SHEPARD: It's been very long now
(Pause)
We ordered our food nearly thirty minutes ago.
(Pause)
MESSENGER: What did you order? Perhaps it's a difficult dish.
SHEPARD: I ordered the red raspberry cockatrice, with a side of milkbeans. Oh, and a blue roosted smoothie.
MESSENGER: Well there you go. That's quite a meal.
(Pause)
SHEPARD: If I were him I'd be dead right now.
(Pause)
This place is packed.
MESSENGER: To the gills. How is you're wife, what's her name?
SHEPARD: Aburfa.
MESSENGER: Ah, yes. How is dear Aburfa?
SHEPARD: She's getting old. She's getting up there. I find it hard.
MESSENGER: Do you?
SHEPARD: I see the worst in life when I look at her.
(Pause)
MESSENGER: I saw your mother.
SHEPARD: Did you?
MESSENGER: Just last week. I saw her. She says hello! She getting old you know.
SHEPARD: I don't see her often. I don't like to.
(Pause)
I see the worst in life when I look at her.
(Pause)
MESSENGER: My chair squeaks. Don't you hate that? My chair squeaks.
SHEPARD: This city is falling apart. Ever since the beginning of winter. The birds left in a hurry.
MESSENGER: I remember that. The sure did.
(Pause)
My wife gave birth last night.
SHEPARD: So I heard.
MESSENGER: Still born.
SHEPARD: So I heard.
(Pause)
What are your plans?
MESSENGER: Well, we disposed of it last night.
SHEPARD: No, for spring.
(Pause)
MESSENGER: Hope.
SHEPARD: Just hope?
MESSENGER: What more can you do?
SHEPARD: You can try.
MESSENGER: You can hope.
SHEPARD: But you can never try and hope at the same time.
(Pause)
MESSENGER: You're right. That would be called 'educated guessing.'
SHEPARD: Now, isn't this grand! A nice day with all the food necessities you can imagine.
MESSENGER: Fit for a king!
(Pause)
I thought when they cooked fish they kept in the eyes, guess they picked them out this time.
(Pause)
SHEPARD: Yes the eyes are a vital organ, wouldn't you say?
MESSENGER: yes, used for seeing the beauties around you, what you love as well. Would be a shame to go with out them…
(Pause)
SHEPARD: Wine? Mmm, as delicious as though the gods have crafted it with their own hands. Fit not only for a king but for a queen!
(Pause)
MESSENGER: Yes, oh indeed very much fit for royalty…
(Pause)
SHEPARD: How about you try some mutton? Had it hung in my warehouse so that it is tender enough.
(Pause)
MESSENGER: Ahh this is the most succulent meat I’ve ever had>
SHEPARD: Yes well I do know my meats.
(Pause)
I'm getting older.
MESSENGER: Yes.
SHEPARD: I'm getting frailer.
MESSENGER: Yes.
SHEPARD: one of these days my limbs might just stop following these sheep. I might just fall to my knees, my staff still standing tall. Reaching for the sky. Reaching for that thing that blew away so long ago. It was a piece of me, don't you see?
(Pause)
No, everything deserves to live.
